I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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