How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
