He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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