I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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