You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
