I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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