i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
