white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
