I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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