This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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