Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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