she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
