Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
