then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
