Small penises have feelings too.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
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I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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