Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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