I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
