It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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