I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
