Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
