whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I have tasted many bathrooms
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
How drunk are you?
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