you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
