bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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