The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
