tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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