we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
