my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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