Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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