Sry I called you an 8
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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