do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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