Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
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All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
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Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
you never un-have a 4some
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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