You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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