a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
