fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
