So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
