why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
