the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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