There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize