That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
