I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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