Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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