I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
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You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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