I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Sorry my hands just texted you
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
