Will you blow on my dice?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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