Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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