ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
