im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
