Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
