My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
