Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Randomize
