My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
