Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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