i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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