Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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