shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
