took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
