On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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