sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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