You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
