Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
