kristin has been a bad kristin
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
