I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
