I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
