i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs are out for the taking
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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