There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
