Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
