I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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