I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
