i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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