i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
