As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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