i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
