Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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