So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I will pee on everything he values.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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