Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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