ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
