I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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