Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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