He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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