Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
