I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
