I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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