these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
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So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
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I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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