I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
